http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,380143,00.html
I’m white. I’m protestant. I’m male. I’m born and raised in Unites Sates. Consequently it’s a heavy mantle to shoulder, a burden I can’t overcome, me being the root cause of all ills perpetrated on this planet. Bigotry, my fault. Sexism, mine. Religious intolerance, yep. Mine too. Famine, war, genocide, civil unrest the globe over, all my stinking fault.
It’s to the point that I can’t take it. Just the mere mention of my color catapults me into a depression like tailspin that renders me useless. Debilitating doesn’t begin to describe this condition. Paranoia doesn’t evoke the emotion that I feel every day. Everyday. It’s unbearable. In fact, this condition of mine has reached a stage where I believe I now qualify for the protection of the Federal Government. I believe it is a clear case of, dare I say it, discrimination. Moreover, a violation of my civil rights.
Unless the world wants to enter into a protracted and expensive legal battle, provide me with the requisite medical and psychological assistance needed to be made whole again, and to remunerate me for all the pain and suffering, the following changes need to be implemented immediately:
White House: Change to Personal abode of the Commander-in-Chief, who, if white, will no doubt be another perpetrator of evil against everyone else in the world.
White Out: Change to lightly pigmented corrective substance
White Stripes: Change to freakish looking duo that no one really knows-is it brother and sister or husband and wife-weird either way.
White Chocolate: Clearly this is so racists as to offend everyone. I say we call it albino product made from extracts of the cacao plant.
White Hot: Don’t actually know what this really means. Nothing’s ever white with heat. I don’t care if it makes sense or not. Get rid of it. I’m offended.
The very word White: In all fairness, shouldn’t this word removed from the English language? Let’s call it the “un-black”, or maybe “Evil”. Evil’s good, but not quite right. I got it. How about “I’m freaking sorry for the love of all things holy?” That’s it!
You could paint your wood trim an Eggshell I’m Freaking Sorry For The Love Of All Things Holy. A lovely gloss Ivory I’m Freaking Sorry For The Love Of All Things Holy could really brighten up a room. A light yellow (please- no offense intended to my Asian brethren) tinged Cream I’m Freaking Sorry For The Love Of All Things Holy would be a very soothing office color for a harried work place, don’t you think?
Whatever…
I’m white. I’m protestant. I’m male. I’m born and raised in Unites Sates. Consequently it’s a heavy mantle to shoulder, a burden I can’t overcome, me being the root cause of all ills perpetrated on this planet. Bigotry, my fault. Sexism, mine. Religious intolerance, yep. Mine too. Famine, war, genocide, civil unrest the globe over, all my stinking fault.
It’s to the point that I can’t take it. Just the mere mention of my color catapults me into a depression like tailspin that renders me useless. Debilitating doesn’t begin to describe this condition. Paranoia doesn’t evoke the emotion that I feel every day. Everyday. It’s unbearable. In fact, this condition of mine has reached a stage where I believe I now qualify for the protection of the Federal Government. I believe it is a clear case of, dare I say it, discrimination. Moreover, a violation of my civil rights.
Unless the world wants to enter into a protracted and expensive legal battle, provide me with the requisite medical and psychological assistance needed to be made whole again, and to remunerate me for all the pain and suffering, the following changes need to be implemented immediately:
White House: Change to Personal abode of the Commander-in-Chief, who, if white, will no doubt be another perpetrator of evil against everyone else in the world.
White Out: Change to lightly pigmented corrective substance
White Stripes: Change to freakish looking duo that no one really knows-is it brother and sister or husband and wife-weird either way.
White Chocolate: Clearly this is so racists as to offend everyone. I say we call it albino product made from extracts of the cacao plant.
White Hot: Don’t actually know what this really means. Nothing’s ever white with heat. I don’t care if it makes sense or not. Get rid of it. I’m offended.
The very word White: In all fairness, shouldn’t this word removed from the English language? Let’s call it the “un-black”, or maybe “Evil”. Evil’s good, but not quite right. I got it. How about “I’m freaking sorry for the love of all things holy?” That’s it!
You could paint your wood trim an Eggshell I’m Freaking Sorry For The Love Of All Things Holy. A lovely gloss Ivory I’m Freaking Sorry For The Love Of All Things Holy could really brighten up a room. A light yellow (please- no offense intended to my Asian brethren) tinged Cream I’m Freaking Sorry For The Love Of All Things Holy would be a very soothing office color for a harried work place, don’t you think?
Whatever…
No comments:
Post a Comment