As Seen On TV

Sit down for this, you're not going to believe it, but a TV commercial lied. Lied is harsh, I guess. Let's just say the commercial grossly overstated a product's ability to function in any way, shape, or form close to the manner in which it was demonstrated on an obviously rigged, made to look like a live action, commercial.

Yes, I'm referring to the Slap Chop. I got one for my birthday a few weeks ago. Only recently have I had a chance to get it out of the cabinet and take it for a test chop.

The overly-spiked, amped up blond guy on TV pulled a Sham-Wow on everyone with this worthless hunk of junk.

I slapped fast, slapped slow, slapped hard, slapped soft, slapped half-way, slapped it til it bottomed out. The frustrating device was slapped every way imaginable.

It doesn't chop, per se, mostly mashes and then conveniently leaves the pulpy results stuck to the blades for added enjoyment. Consequently, I have christened the device the "Stick and Pry".

The Stick and Pry was/is a big disappointment. It was a gift, which means I didn't have to pay separate shipping and handling at least.

Kids, let this be a lesson to you. Not everything shilled on television works as well as the Flowby. Buyer beware. Love the Flowby. Love it.

Where Art Though

Blog, oh Blog, where have I been
My trusty social media friend

Lately, in case you couldn't tell
I haven't been blogging so well

It's not you, your programs, or format
It's not your fonts, your themes, or any of that

No, I believe the fault lies with me
A bout of blogging laziness I believe

Really, where else can I rant
Or make fun of life's miscreants (That's right. It rhymes. Give it a minute)

There's absolutely no better place to prattle
about my son, my colon, or my treadmill battles

I've given many a friend a dogging
about their noticeable lack of blogging

Sad, but I now know
It's my time to eat some Blogspot crow

So to you my blog, I apologize
And vow to make you a bigger part of my life (It's a soft rhyme. Deal with it.)

To you, my dear friends of which I've made sport
Know I too have been found guilty in the non-blogging court

I will change my ways, this indictment is all it took
To remind me there's more to life then just Facebook

So here we go kids, let's find the funny
And laugh at the nonsense until our noses are runny

Thank you, gentle readers, that is all.