From Canada with Love

I present to you, Poutine. French fries covered in brown gravy and cheese curds. No not shredded cheese, actual curds. It has curds. I just love saying that. Curds. You say it. Go on. Curds.

Recommended by cardiologists everywhere for job security purposes, this concoction is widely available throughout Canada.

This may catch on in the U.S. Beats Canadian bacon. Canadian bacon really isn't bacon. It's ham, for the love of Mike. Right...

Lazy 4th

I'm lazy today. I'm taking the family to see the Royals lose again today. So, I'm running out of time. But, I came across this article and loved every word of it. This is what I would blogged today had I imagination and any modicum of literary skills. (Seriously, count the number of times "I" was used in the short paragraph above. Use it as exhibit A in my trial for impersonating a writer.)

Click the link and give it a read. Happy Independence Day, gentle readers.

http://www.tmsfeatures.com/columns/political/liberal/garrison-keillor/Garrison-Keillor.html?articleURL=http://rss.tmsfeatures.com/websvc-bin/rss_story_read.cgi?resid=200906301156TMS_____GKEILLOR_ctngk-a_20090630

Again...Again

Been a few days. Hope all is well with you out there in the blogosphere.

Well, gentle readers, four years ago it finally felt like settling down was settling in on me. It was about time actually.

Per the usual, when you begin to get comfortable, things get shaken up. Ain't that always the way.

The company I worked for sold. As a result, change soon followed.

So starting Monday, change follows change with a new job. Hated leaving, but I think it's best.

Wish me luck as I take my show on the road, literally. Pray for the heartland of this country as I begin to wreak havoc upon the upper Midwest. No one is safe.

Planned on staying put. Hows' the old joke go...what's the quickest way to hear God laugh? Start making plans...

Can You Hear Me Now?

Cell phone shot craps. Completely dead.

Took it to the Sprint store and they ordered a replacement. I gave them a number to contact me when the phone arrived.

Waited......waited.....waited.....

Finally called today to check on it.

"Oh, I've left you a couple of messages. It's been here since Friday."

"Really? Sorry about that. What number did you call?"

"555-555-5555"

"Interesting. Just an FYI for you ma'am...that's my cell number, you know, the one that doesn't work."

Seriously people.

The Verdict Is In

Bernie Madoff stole early retirements. He stole college educations. He stole confidence.

He stole money, lots of it. As a result, the 71 year old king of the Ponzi schemes was sentenced to 150 years in prison today. He’ll spend the rest of his life in prison. If pressed for an opinion, I would agree that is where the guy belongs. He was brazen and stupidly greedy. He derseves it.

According the article on CNN.com, the judge indicated the sentence was just, citing the need for deterrence. That, gentle readers, is important. Those of you shaking your heads in agreement at the moment, thinking “yes indeed, we can’t have any more nonsense like that” are right, of course. However, that’s not what I mean by important.

I’ve blogged on this before. You commit a financial crime in this country, be prepared to be dealt with harshly. Rob a bank with a gun, see you in 20-30. Defraud the government out of taxes, get ready for the full force of a Federal fiscal colonoscopy without benefit of anesthesia.

Flip side: harm a child, sexually assault a woman, murder someone, and there’s judiciary procedural issues that demand review, prison over crowding to consider, possibility of mental illness that should be treated, mitigating socioeconomic factors to weigh, and so on. According to my untrained eye, there exists a disparity in regards to the severity of punishment and the way crimes are viewed in our society.

Did Madoff get assistance from the ACLU for his defense? Was the good Reverend Jackson making the morning talk show rounds decrying Bernie’s poor parenting and a broken system that makes it impossible for a man of his “persuasion” to succeed in life playing by the rules? Where was the doctor for hire indicating that Mr. Madoff’s case exemplifies a man incapable of determining right from wrong, a clear sign of mental illness, making it incumbent on society to forgive him and fix him immediately?

Where’s the outrage when a skank in Florida doesn’t report the disappearance of her child for days and then refuses to help investigators find the body? Where’s the passionate cry for revenge when a father in Corpus Christi sticks his infant daughter in the microwave and burns her? Where’s the concerned jurist citing a need for deterrence when a 22 year old night school student is shot dead while he works the cash register at the local Texaco in Detroit by a two time petty criminal already out on parole? Where is it?

You folks can kill, rape, and thin the heard as much as you like, but what ever you do, do not even think about taking a buck the till. We have to have order and confidence in the financial engines of the country. Otherwise, we threaten to interrupt the machine’s ability to earn and govern and maintain the peace just enough.... so they can earn and govern.

Until we care enough to stop letting this happen, until we crowd the courts and the offices of our elected officials demanding that this craziness stop, I’ll be able to tell my son that he can safely deposit his dollar in the bank and not worry about it being there tomorrow. However, I’ll also have to tell him he can’t walk down the street by himself, nor ever go at night, to make the withdrawal.

Doesn’t seem right.

I Can See Clearly Now

We went to see Disney's "Up" yesterday.

About three minutes in, my wife leans across our little guy and asks me, "Is everything kind of blurry to you?"

I look over at her, do a double take, and start to laugh.

"Take off your sunglasses, honey."

Her 3-D glasses were still in her purse.

I don't often get to laugh at her, but that was a good one. Always fashionable though. Dig that.

Snack Attack

I know you guys think I'm going to come out and dig at Michael Jackson. Well, I'm not. I'm wearing my red leather coat with the seventeen zippers and my one glove today. Everywhere I go, I'm moon walking in tribute.

No-no. There are larger issues that need addressing today gentle readers.

From Shelbyville Gazette:

Arguing couple does no damage with Cheetos
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
By Brian Mosely

A local couple arrested on domestic assault charges Sunday had an unusual choice of alleged weaponry -- Cheetos.

Warrants filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff's Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.

According to Roddy's report, the pair became "involved in a verbal altercation" with each other "at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault."

"There was evidence of the assault," the report read, "however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined."

Both Taylor and Childers were charged by Roddy with domestic assault. Both posted a bond of $2,500 and will appear in Bedford County General Sessions Court on July 15.

OK, first things first: The Bedford County Sheriff's department needs better training. Clearly, as anyone knows, Cheetos are not potato chips. Frankly, I want to be a defense attorney on this one because if the deputy has such bad judgement, and a clear lack of life experience, that he calls Cheetos a potato chip, his entire report on the event should be called into question.

Moreover, the sad thing here is that Bedford County must have a significant lack of law enforcement needs if the deputy felt compelled to run them both in for arguing with a snack food. "Well Sheriff, I felt like the situation was a one sticky, orange finger away from escalating. These guys had that Hostess Ding Dong look in their eyes. I couldn't have that on my conscious."

No one is considering the real losers here. No, not the children. Duh, it's the Cheetos. Cheetos are a snack food legend. Who treats an icon like that? Seriously. When did Cheetos become a WWTD, a weapon of white trash destruction? Shameful.