The Clothes Know

Purveyor of happy, ambassador of Kwan, perennially of good cheer-all ways in which I like to think of myself. Who wants to be in a bad mood, or worse, make those around you are in bad moods? There’s enough of that going around, right?

Nothing gets me in a good mood like a Hawaiian shirt. My mantra: Life is better in a Hawaiian shirt. I have blogged upon this topic at length, but yeah verily, it deserves mention again. No kidding. Try it. The louder, the brighter, the shirt, the better. Instant Kwan.

In my world there is very little need for anything so confining or constricting as structure. But with respect to the afore mentioned Hawaiian shirt, there are considerations.

I met a fellow brother in training, a new bearer of Kwan, in the toilet paper aisle at Wal-Mart. Recognizing the signs of an apprentice, I felt called upon to gently instruct and guide my brother, in a most tender manner, regarding the missteps being made public. Indeed, as they say, it was a clean up on aisle nine.

To begin with, dear brother, whose name sadly I know not, although I give you points for attempting to generate Kwan, it is imperative to note that at no time should a Hawaiian shirt be tucked into your pants. This is an affront to Hawaiian shirts everywhere. You don’t mash the accelerator of a Formula One race car to the floor, yet insist it drag a Brinks truck behind. It’s meant to be worn on the outside, brother, sleek, fast, and happy. The outside. It’s a living, breathing thing man. Let it loose. Beyond impeding the flow of Kwan, dude, that’s just plain dorky.

The physical aspects of the Hawaiian shirt not withstanding, there’s more. The tucked Hawaiian shirt indicates that you are caught my friend. Caught in the hinterlands of indecision, not sure you’re ready to release the beast, yet aware of a need to change, you are trapped. Your occluded state has led to, in essence, a desecration of a national symbol of Kwan lovers everywhere. Brother, you’ve got to call the ball. Either embrace it, or take it off. There can be no in between. It is either-or, pass-fail, do or die. Be ye not afraid my friend, for there are others who have gone this way before you. It’s better on this side.

I stand ready to embrace you as a brother, a convert, someone who believes in the power of good. But first, you really need to un-tuck the shirt. And the whole green pants thing, see there’s not many rules, but thankfully, we do have a dress code…..wow!