Throw away empty McDonalds and Sonic sacks: CheckPick up all underwear lying around the house: Check
Remove football from bay window, repair glass: Check
Re-upholster couch in living room: Check
Shovel toys back into toy chest: Check
Dig up tiny superhero figures buried in plants: Check
Paint over marker and sharpie writing in office: Check
Superglue decorative plate that used to hang over oven: Check
Conceal cracks in newly super-glued plate as best as possible: Check
Create plausible cover story for when concealment efforts fail: Check
My spousal unit gets back home today. There will surely be an inspection upon her return to the house. She’ll walk the house with a stern look, her hands locked together behind her back, stopping to wipe her white gloved finger over the coffee table or book case every now and then.
The real intense moments will come when she examines the little guy. She'll look for signs of malnutrition and bodily injury of course. Personally I think the full body MRI is a bit much. Frankly, the chemical reagent test she performs checking for trace evidence of antibacterial soap is ridiculous.
But...glad she’s back. There will be veggies for dinner and she can tell me where my stinking pants are at.
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