HBO Does Rome

History is cool. The history of Rome is particularly interesting to me. I was happy when Netflix mailed HBO’s first season of Rome. So, I watched all three DVD’s.

I’ve heard that HBO is working on a World War II mini-series. According to the way Rome is going, here’s how I think HBO will treat it:

Truman rises to power by stabbing Roosevelt like 100 times all the while spouting ancient poetry. Truman then goes on screwing things up in D.C. until such time that the country decides it no longer likes a democracy and needs a dictator.

Harry Truman end ups sleeping with Ike.

Ike, confused by his mixed feelings, ends up sleeping with half the underage girls in the USO. When he’s not sleeping with a 15 year old, he broods as he plans the conquest of Europe. Then, because it’s been five minutes, sleeps with the princesses of the fallen countries he crushes until they bear him a son.

Bess Truman, Harry Truman’s wife, strangely naked in all her scenes for no apparent reason, decides to sleep with General Patton, General MacArthur, General Bradley, all of the Joint Chiefs, the Vice President, Speaker of the House, Speaker Pro-tem, and the Minority Whip.

Hitler, also naked in all his scenes for no apparent reason, falls in love with his male page, Mussolini’s third wife, and Churchill’s pet Schnauzer. He constantly has to be bathed by his servants and spills wine down his front as he drinks it by the gallon.

Emperor Hirohito, secretly in love with Bess Truman, but put off by her constant nudity, decides to kill himself because, well…think about Bess Truman being naked and you begin to understand his inner turmoil.

Bess, still naked for the love of all things holy, decides she no longer loves her husband but cannot leave him because he is rich and powerful, but still yet decides to renounce her life because she too loves Churchill’s Schnauzer.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I think I’ll read the book.