For Adam

To: Adam Lambert

FROM: America

RE: Your Shtick

Dear Adam,

Like a shiny new toy at Christmas we couldn’t wait to wind you up and watch you go. Time after time, week after week, you didn’t disappoint. Amazing really. Thank you for that. Highly entertaining.

If anyone in the country is in need of casting a rock opera, you, sir, will be the first one called. I promise. If we’re putting together a legends of rock tribute band to tour the country, again, you’ve got the nod. If we simply want to amaze our friends by watching you hit high notes and shatter glass, you’re the man.

But like too much of Aunt Mildred’s divinity candy, or 15 seconds of Rush Limbaugh and Keith Olbermann, I believe a change is in order lest we all start to vomit uncontrollably. Not certain we as a nation can handle a CD with 13 tracks of your incredible screeching and howling.

So, as a nation, we implore you to show a little depth, a different side to your amazing talent. Stand still, sing from somewhere other than the prancing rocker buried within you, and promise to never, ever wear a white suit again. Ever.

Signed,

An increasingly bored, but jealous of your talent nation

P.S. We weren’t kidding about the white suit. Never again.