The Dog Days of Blogs...

In a surprise move to some Washington insiders, President Obama announced today the creation of a new task force to deal with what he called a “pandemic issue of declining blog production.” The task force will be comprised of members from both parties and both houses of Congress, leaders from the IT community, and needy people with short attention spans who try to avoid work at all costs by constantly surfing the web looking for something to read.

Tom Jenkins, R-WA, head of the task force issued this statement regarding the formulation and mission of the new task force, “we in America, in the face of mounting economic gloom, massive layoffs, declining home values and shrinking retirement savings, now more than ever need blogs and bloggers to help take our collective minds off of the world at large, and back to where it belongs. We don’t need citizens all a “twitter” focusing on things like the fiscal responsibility of its elected officials, on things like healthcare, and foreign policy. No, we here in Washington really “digg” it when you people get lost in the blogosphere mindlessly soaking up the minutia of things ranging from Albanian Algebra to Zebras in Zaire. This is a much better use of your time.”

Citing statistics compiled by Citizens for Missing or Exploited Blogs, Jenkins went on to say “blog production has shown a steady decline since the second quarter of 2008. More alarmingly, blog start-ups have declined by 57% year over year.”

When asked to explain possible reasons behind this trend Jenkins had this explanation. “We’re uncertain at this time as to the impetus behind the blog crisis in America. Perhaps it’s a renewed attention to efficiencies and better use of corporate time at the office in the face of increasing layoffs. Too many unemployed people out there willing to work a job for a third less than you are, so don’t get caught blogging at work. Maybe blogging is seasonal and a cold, bitter winter is upon us. For all we know, our GBP, or Gross Blog Production, is inexplicably tied to our nations GNP. As our economic fortunes rise and fall, so will our blogs. “

“One thing is certain”, according to Jenkins, “we cannot sit idly by while Americans begin to spend less time on fruitless, meaningless pastimes and more time on contemplative thought about the world around them. History proves this is never good for us, err..I mean the country.”