Snack Attack

I know you guys think I'm going to come out and dig at Michael Jackson. Well, I'm not. I'm wearing my red leather coat with the seventeen zippers and my one glove today. Everywhere I go, I'm moon walking in tribute.

No-no. There are larger issues that need addressing today gentle readers.

From Shelbyville Gazette:

Arguing couple does no damage with Cheetos
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
By Brian Mosely

A local couple arrested on domestic assault charges Sunday had an unusual choice of alleged weaponry -- Cheetos.

Warrants filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff's Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.

According to Roddy's report, the pair became "involved in a verbal altercation" with each other "at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault."

"There was evidence of the assault," the report read, "however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined."

Both Taylor and Childers were charged by Roddy with domestic assault. Both posted a bond of $2,500 and will appear in Bedford County General Sessions Court on July 15.

OK, first things first: The Bedford County Sheriff's department needs better training. Clearly, as anyone knows, Cheetos are not potato chips. Frankly, I want to be a defense attorney on this one because if the deputy has such bad judgement, and a clear lack of life experience, that he calls Cheetos a potato chip, his entire report on the event should be called into question.

Moreover, the sad thing here is that Bedford County must have a significant lack of law enforcement needs if the deputy felt compelled to run them both in for arguing with a snack food. "Well Sheriff, I felt like the situation was a one sticky, orange finger away from escalating. These guys had that Hostess Ding Dong look in their eyes. I couldn't have that on my conscious."

No one is considering the real losers here. No, not the children. Duh, it's the Cheetos. Cheetos are a snack food legend. Who treats an icon like that? Seriously. When did Cheetos become a WWTD, a weapon of white trash destruction? Shameful.