Cell phone shot craps. Completely dead.
Took it to the Sprint store and they ordered a replacement. I gave them a number to contact me when the phone arrived.
Waited......waited.....waited.....
Finally called today to check on it.
"Oh, I've left you a couple of messages. It's been here since Friday."
"Really? Sorry about that. What number did you call?"
"555-555-5555"
"Interesting. Just an FYI for you ma'am...that's my cell number, you know, the one that doesn't work."
Seriously people.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Verdict Is In
Bernie Madoff stole early retirements. He stole college educations. He stole confidence.
He stole money, lots of it. As a result, the 71 year old king of the Ponzi schemes was sentenced to 150 years in prison today. He’ll spend the rest of his life in prison. If pressed for an opinion, I would agree that is where the guy belongs. He was brazen and stupidly greedy. He derseves it.
According the article on CNN.com, the judge indicated the sentence was just, citing the need for deterrence. That, gentle readers, is important. Those of you shaking your heads in agreement at the moment, thinking “yes indeed, we can’t have any more nonsense like that” are right, of course. However, that’s not what I mean by important.
I’ve blogged on this before. You commit a financial crime in this country, be prepared to be dealt with harshly. Rob a bank with a gun, see you in 20-30. Defraud the government out of taxes, get ready for the full force of a Federal fiscal colonoscopy without benefit of anesthesia.
Flip side: harm a child, sexually assault a woman, murder someone, and there’s judiciary procedural issues that demand review, prison over crowding to consider, possibility of mental illness that should be treated, mitigating socioeconomic factors to weigh, and so on. According to my untrained eye, there exists a disparity in regards to the severity of punishment and the way crimes are viewed in our society.
Did Madoff get assistance from the ACLU for his defense? Was the good Reverend Jackson making the morning talk show rounds decrying Bernie’s poor parenting and a broken system that makes it impossible for a man of his “persuasion” to succeed in life playing by the rules? Where was the doctor for hire indicating that Mr. Madoff’s case exemplifies a man incapable of determining right from wrong, a clear sign of mental illness, making it incumbent on society to forgive him and fix him immediately?
Where’s the outrage when a skank in Florida doesn’t report the disappearance of her child for days and then refuses to help investigators find the body? Where’s the passionate cry for revenge when a father in Corpus Christi sticks his infant daughter in the microwave and burns her? Where’s the concerned jurist citing a need for deterrence when a 22 year old night school student is shot dead while he works the cash register at the local Texaco in Detroit by a two time petty criminal already out on parole? Where is it?
You folks can kill, rape, and thin the heard as much as you like, but what ever you do, do not even think about taking a buck the till. We have to have order and confidence in the financial engines of the country. Otherwise, we threaten to interrupt the machine’s ability to earn and govern and maintain the peace just enough.... so they can earn and govern.
Until we care enough to stop letting this happen, until we crowd the courts and the offices of our elected officials demanding that this craziness stop, I’ll be able to tell my son that he can safely deposit his dollar in the bank and not worry about it being there tomorrow. However, I’ll also have to tell him he can’t walk down the street by himself, nor ever go at night, to make the withdrawal.
Doesn’t seem right.
He stole money, lots of it. As a result, the 71 year old king of the Ponzi schemes was sentenced to 150 years in prison today. He’ll spend the rest of his life in prison. If pressed for an opinion, I would agree that is where the guy belongs. He was brazen and stupidly greedy. He derseves it.
According the article on CNN.com, the judge indicated the sentence was just, citing the need for deterrence. That, gentle readers, is important. Those of you shaking your heads in agreement at the moment, thinking “yes indeed, we can’t have any more nonsense like that” are right, of course. However, that’s not what I mean by important.
I’ve blogged on this before. You commit a financial crime in this country, be prepared to be dealt with harshly. Rob a bank with a gun, see you in 20-30. Defraud the government out of taxes, get ready for the full force of a Federal fiscal colonoscopy without benefit of anesthesia.
Flip side: harm a child, sexually assault a woman, murder someone, and there’s judiciary procedural issues that demand review, prison over crowding to consider, possibility of mental illness that should be treated, mitigating socioeconomic factors to weigh, and so on. According to my untrained eye, there exists a disparity in regards to the severity of punishment and the way crimes are viewed in our society.
Did Madoff get assistance from the ACLU for his defense? Was the good Reverend Jackson making the morning talk show rounds decrying Bernie’s poor parenting and a broken system that makes it impossible for a man of his “persuasion” to succeed in life playing by the rules? Where was the doctor for hire indicating that Mr. Madoff’s case exemplifies a man incapable of determining right from wrong, a clear sign of mental illness, making it incumbent on society to forgive him and fix him immediately?
Where’s the outrage when a skank in Florida doesn’t report the disappearance of her child for days and then refuses to help investigators find the body? Where’s the passionate cry for revenge when a father in Corpus Christi sticks his infant daughter in the microwave and burns her? Where’s the concerned jurist citing a need for deterrence when a 22 year old night school student is shot dead while he works the cash register at the local Texaco in Detroit by a two time petty criminal already out on parole? Where is it?
You folks can kill, rape, and thin the heard as much as you like, but what ever you do, do not even think about taking a buck the till. We have to have order and confidence in the financial engines of the country. Otherwise, we threaten to interrupt the machine’s ability to earn and govern and maintain the peace just enough.... so they can earn and govern.
Until we care enough to stop letting this happen, until we crowd the courts and the offices of our elected officials demanding that this craziness stop, I’ll be able to tell my son that he can safely deposit his dollar in the bank and not worry about it being there tomorrow. However, I’ll also have to tell him he can’t walk down the street by himself, nor ever go at night, to make the withdrawal.
Doesn’t seem right.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
I Can See Clearly Now
We went to see Disney's "Up" yesterday.
About three minutes in, my wife leans across our little guy and asks me, "Is everything kind of blurry to you?"
I look over at her, do a double take, and start to laugh.
"Take off your sunglasses, honey."
Her 3-D glasses were still in her purse.
I don't often get to laugh at her, but that was a good one. Always fashionable though. Dig that.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Snack Attack
I know you guys think I'm going to come out and dig at Michael Jackson. Well, I'm not. I'm wearing my red leather coat with the seventeen zippers and my one glove today. Everywhere I go, I'm moon walking in tribute.
No-no. There are larger issues that need addressing today gentle readers.
From Shelbyville Gazette:
Arguing couple does no damage with Cheetos
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
By Brian Mosely
A local couple arrested on domestic assault charges Sunday had an unusual choice of alleged weaponry -- Cheetos.
Warrants filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff's Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.
According to Roddy's report, the pair became "involved in a verbal altercation" with each other "at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault."
"There was evidence of the assault," the report read, "however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined."
Both Taylor and Childers were charged by Roddy with domestic assault. Both posted a bond of $2,500 and will appear in Bedford County General Sessions Court on July 15.
OK, first things first: The Bedford County Sheriff's department needs better training. Clearly, as anyone knows, Cheetos are not potato chips. Frankly, I want to be a defense attorney on this one because if the deputy has such bad judgement, and a clear lack of life experience, that he calls Cheetos a potato chip, his entire report on the event should be called into question.
Moreover, the sad thing here is that Bedford County must have a significant lack of law enforcement needs if the deputy felt compelled to run them both in for arguing with a snack food. "Well Sheriff, I felt like the situation was a one sticky, orange finger away from escalating. These guys had that Hostess Ding Dong look in their eyes. I couldn't have that on my conscious."
No one is considering the real losers here. No, not the children. Duh, it's the Cheetos. Cheetos are a snack food legend. Who treats an icon like that? Seriously. When did Cheetos become a WWTD, a weapon of white trash destruction? Shameful.
No-no. There are larger issues that need addressing today gentle readers.
From Shelbyville Gazette:
Arguing couple does no damage with Cheetos
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
By Brian Mosely
A local couple arrested on domestic assault charges Sunday had an unusual choice of alleged weaponry -- Cheetos.
Warrants filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff's Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.
According to Roddy's report, the pair became "involved in a verbal altercation" with each other "at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault."
"There was evidence of the assault," the report read, "however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined."
Both Taylor and Childers were charged by Roddy with domestic assault. Both posted a bond of $2,500 and will appear in Bedford County General Sessions Court on July 15.
OK, first things first: The Bedford County Sheriff's department needs better training. Clearly, as anyone knows, Cheetos are not potato chips. Frankly, I want to be a defense attorney on this one because if the deputy has such bad judgement, and a clear lack of life experience, that he calls Cheetos a potato chip, his entire report on the event should be called into question.
Moreover, the sad thing here is that Bedford County must have a significant lack of law enforcement needs if the deputy felt compelled to run them both in for arguing with a snack food. "Well Sheriff, I felt like the situation was a one sticky, orange finger away from escalating. These guys had that Hostess Ding Dong look in their eyes. I couldn't have that on my conscious."
No one is considering the real losers here. No, not the children. Duh, it's the Cheetos. Cheetos are a snack food legend. Who treats an icon like that? Seriously. When did Cheetos become a WWTD, a weapon of white trash destruction? Shameful.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
John & Kate-Can't Get Past The Hate!
Well, gentle readers, I guess it's official. John and Kate are filing for divorce.Here's a quote from Ms. Kate: "How does the show go on?" said Kate. "The show MUST go on!"
Of course it must. There's tummy tucks, breast augmentations, face lifts, laser hair removal, hair plugs, wardrobe considerations, free promotional gifts they receive by the van load, free vacations to far off locales, busy, busy travel schedules promoting the books and TV show, and, last but most certainly not least, the nearly $30,000 per episode to consider.
It always been about the kids though, right?
Both John and Kate can kiss my foot!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Residential Realtor Realities
Eighteen months ago I called my mortgage holder to inquire about a refinance. At that time the mortgage consultant gave me the estimated value of my home. How they did this, I’m not exactly certain. However, at that time, I was excited about the number. So was the mortgage consultant who went to great lengths to try to encourage me to pull some cash out when I refinanced. I passed, not changing a thing.
My mortgage holder is Countrywide Mortgage, by the way. At that time, Countrywide was one of the largest mortgage lenders in the country. Not so much any more. Countrywide fell apart in the midst of the housing woes and mortgage backed securities crisis. Amid rumors of bankruptcy, they were finally acquired by Bank of America.
Judging from how easy it was to get an inflated home value, and how eager their mortgage consultants were to loan you up at 100% of the value of your home, it’s not hard to see why things went bad, and by extension, why the country has a significant problem today.
We met with a realtor over the weekend. Based on homes currently on the market, and the sale prices of homes that have sold within the last 12 months, the realtor recommended a selling price at almost 20% lower than Countrywide valued the home eighteen months ago. The amount she recommended selling the home for was equal to an official appraisal we had done back in 2002 when we added a garage on to the home.
Countrywide clearly overvalued the home to a figure that had no basis in common sense. The market conditions today mean that any appreciation in value since 2002 has been summarily wiped out. Somewhere between the two numbers lies the truth.
It’s tough out there. Really, really tough.
My mortgage holder is Countrywide Mortgage, by the way. At that time, Countrywide was one of the largest mortgage lenders in the country. Not so much any more. Countrywide fell apart in the midst of the housing woes and mortgage backed securities crisis. Amid rumors of bankruptcy, they were finally acquired by Bank of America.
Judging from how easy it was to get an inflated home value, and how eager their mortgage consultants were to loan you up at 100% of the value of your home, it’s not hard to see why things went bad, and by extension, why the country has a significant problem today.
We met with a realtor over the weekend. Based on homes currently on the market, and the sale prices of homes that have sold within the last 12 months, the realtor recommended a selling price at almost 20% lower than Countrywide valued the home eighteen months ago. The amount she recommended selling the home for was equal to an official appraisal we had done back in 2002 when we added a garage on to the home.
Countrywide clearly overvalued the home to a figure that had no basis in common sense. The market conditions today mean that any appreciation in value since 2002 has been summarily wiped out. Somewhere between the two numbers lies the truth.
It’s tough out there. Really, really tough.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Dad's Day
Blueberry pie and a ball game for Father's Day. Ahhhh, gentle readers. It's a good day.
For all you dads out there, may you find an icy drink, a hot mama, a shady hammock, bright smiles from the little ones, a full slate of digital, high-def programming on cable, and an empty chore bucket.
Peace.
Deaf is most Def yo, Know what I mean?
My seven year old, with his youthful, high pitched, fast paced speech pattern, and my 69 year old father, who would have trouble hearing a B-52 rumble through his living room, had a phone conversation today. Some selected highlights:
E: "I'm going to the Royals game today"
Grandpa: "Nope, I'm staying home."
E: "I drove the Ranger last night at Chris' house."
Grandpa: "I thought they were playing the Cardinals?"
E: "Poppy, have you caught a catfish before?"
Grandpa: "Oh, I'll probably go to Wal-Mart today and just piddle around the house."
Both parties, not having a clue what each other was saying, somehow managed to have an enjoyable conversation and be perfectly understood by one another.
Hum...
Lord, when I'm speaking with my wife, my boss, anyone from the phone company, and the dude at Subway with the twelve piercings and tattoo of the word "pain" on the inside of his lip, let me have a young heart and old ears.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Cat-Tastrophy
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/06/17/florida.cat.killings/index.html
OK, so this kid kills cats, 19 of them to be exact. Clearly he has issues.
Here’s the thing that stuck out from the article: “He could face a maximum of 158 years in state prison if convicted on all counts, Chavez said.”
158 years? What?
Listen, before you tabby loving cat people get your fur all in a bunch, I’m not indicating that his crimes aren't severe and worthy of punishment.
Did you see his mug shot? You can tell this kid needs some quality time at a facility where he can eat soft foods, lay on a couch, and talk about how mommy and daddy didn’t love him enough. He needs to spend a few months in a cell with a cross-eyed, 6’7”, 280 pound bruiser with “Here Kitty Kitty” tattooed on his bald head. He needs access to top shelf pharmaceuticals.
My guess is 158 years in the slammer is a bit excessive. Confirmed serial killers, rapists, and all around dregs of society don’t end up with terms of 158 years. I could smear my body with 15 pounds of coke, brandish three fully-auto machine guns, consort with known escapees from Guantanamo Bay, have the audacity to question President Obama’s healthcare plan, all the while dancing naked at the policeman’s ball and receive less time in jail than that.
Perspective. That’s all I’m asking for gentle readers.
OK, so this kid kills cats, 19 of them to be exact. Clearly he has issues.
Here’s the thing that stuck out from the article: “He could face a maximum of 158 years in state prison if convicted on all counts, Chavez said.”
158 years? What?
Listen, before you tabby loving cat people get your fur all in a bunch, I’m not indicating that his crimes aren't severe and worthy of punishment.
Did you see his mug shot? You can tell this kid needs some quality time at a facility where he can eat soft foods, lay on a couch, and talk about how mommy and daddy didn’t love him enough. He needs to spend a few months in a cell with a cross-eyed, 6’7”, 280 pound bruiser with “Here Kitty Kitty” tattooed on his bald head. He needs access to top shelf pharmaceuticals.
My guess is 158 years in the slammer is a bit excessive. Confirmed serial killers, rapists, and all around dregs of society don’t end up with terms of 158 years. I could smear my body with 15 pounds of coke, brandish three fully-auto machine guns, consort with known escapees from Guantanamo Bay, have the audacity to question President Obama’s healthcare plan, all the while dancing naked at the policeman’s ball and receive less time in jail than that.
Perspective. That’s all I’m asking for gentle readers.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Dinner's on Me
Gentle readers, I forgot to tell you. I received my first royalties check in the mail. Not a statement, mind you, but an actual check. So I took my family out to celebrate. I was able to pay for my entrée, well, most of it anyway.
Means we’ve got a song out there somewhere, being used by someone, for some thing. That’s kind of a neat. Hope they’re digging it as much as we dug the process of getting it out there.
Good times people. Good times.
Means we’ve got a song out there somewhere, being used by someone, for some thing. That’s kind of a neat. Hope they’re digging it as much as we dug the process of getting it out there.
Good times people. Good times.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Duuuude...Is that my skull?
We received a letter over 70 days ago telling us about mandatory drug screens. In the letter was a specific date range, a two week window, when the tests would occur.
Three people lost jobs today. Two of them used some sort of diluting agent, or masking agent, on the original test. When asked if they would be willing to re-test today, both declined. One young man had a wife and two kids, one with special needs.
I’ve stated this before: I make so many mistakes on a weekly basis, that I skipped writing the book and went straight to buying the company. But…but gentle readers, come on.
I’m not judging. However, I’m continually amazed at the number of people who would choose pot over pot roast.
Three people lost jobs today. Two of them used some sort of diluting agent, or masking agent, on the original test. When asked if they would be willing to re-test today, both declined. One young man had a wife and two kids, one with special needs.
I’ve stated this before: I make so many mistakes on a weekly basis, that I skipped writing the book and went straight to buying the company. But…but gentle readers, come on.
I’m not judging. However, I’m continually amazed at the number of people who would choose pot over pot roast.
Friday, June 12, 2009
An One More to Grow On
16th anniversary today.
According to the lists, this year it's either obsidian or silver holloware.
So...I'm supposed to get her a black volcanic rock or a silver gravy boat.
Yes. That will engender great affection and tender moments to be sure.
According to the lists, this year it's either obsidian or silver holloware.
So...I'm supposed to get her a black volcanic rock or a silver gravy boat.
Yes. That will engender great affection and tender moments to be sure.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
ITB
Spent last night with six old friends from college, fraternity brothers. A few I’d seen recently, others not in years.
Caught up on family, careers, and personal lives. There was a lot of “remember when” and “what ever happened to.”
Divorces, births, job changes, colonoscopies, vasectomies, receding hairlines, tight belts-it’s all good.
We thought about brothers that have passed away and tried to recall brothers that have fallen into obscurity.
Some yawns, looking at watches, and making the obligatory promises to do this again began much earlier than it would have had this been a party at the house 16 years ago.
Sixteen years, gentle readers. A good thing, I suppose. The statute of limitations applies to most things. So, we have that going for us.
We didn’t always get the stories right when we re-told them again and again last night. The years have dulled the faces and places. Mostly we just remembered that there was something special to remember, and that’s good enough.
Caught up on family, careers, and personal lives. There was a lot of “remember when” and “what ever happened to.”
Divorces, births, job changes, colonoscopies, vasectomies, receding hairlines, tight belts-it’s all good.
We thought about brothers that have passed away and tried to recall brothers that have fallen into obscurity.
Some yawns, looking at watches, and making the obligatory promises to do this again began much earlier than it would have had this been a party at the house 16 years ago.
Sixteen years, gentle readers. A good thing, I suppose. The statute of limitations applies to most things. So, we have that going for us.
We didn’t always get the stories right when we re-told them again and again last night. The years have dulled the faces and places. Mostly we just remembered that there was something special to remember, and that’s good enough.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Action Word
A friend of mine E-mailed today instructing me to "facebook" this person. You know, look them up on Facebook. Facebook is now a verb.
Being a verb would rock.
I'm tired of being just a noun. There's me, duck bill, Bill of Rights, bill of materials, way-bill, bill of lading, playbill, etc. Boring.....
I want to be a verb.
Legal: I Bill you in contempt of this court and order you to pay a $150 fine.
Apologetic: Look honey, I'm sorry. Of course your mother can Bill at our house for as long as she wants.
Leisure: Hey, let's all Bill over at Johnny's house then decide what we want to do.
Philosophical: I Bill, therefore I am.
Romance: I Bill you so much.
Law enforcement: So sir, I've never billed there before in my life. You know I'm on parole. Did a three year stretch for that Bill job down in Tulsa.
Military: It's nothing, a little something I Billed in Nam.
Medical: Doc, it hurts when I Bill.
Frat House: No more of that crap. I Billed for a solid two days after that.
Reciprocity: Look, you Bill me, I Bill you, everyone wins in the end.
Presidential: Bill my lips, no new taxes.
Surprise: Did you guys hear about Janet? Tom Billed her to marry her last night at dinner.
Seriously, I can go on for days...
Being a verb would rock.
I'm tired of being just a noun. There's me, duck bill, Bill of Rights, bill of materials, way-bill, bill of lading, playbill, etc. Boring.....
I want to be a verb.
Legal: I Bill you in contempt of this court and order you to pay a $150 fine.
Apologetic: Look honey, I'm sorry. Of course your mother can Bill at our house for as long as she wants.
Leisure: Hey, let's all Bill over at Johnny's house then decide what we want to do.
Philosophical: I Bill, therefore I am.
Romance: I Bill you so much.
Law enforcement: So sir, I've never billed there before in my life. You know I'm on parole. Did a three year stretch for that Bill job down in Tulsa.
Military: It's nothing, a little something I Billed in Nam.
Medical: Doc, it hurts when I Bill.
Frat House: No more of that crap. I Billed for a solid two days after that.
Reciprocity: Look, you Bill me, I Bill you, everyone wins in the end.
Presidential: Bill my lips, no new taxes.
Surprise: Did you guys hear about Janet? Tom Billed her to marry her last night at dinner.
Seriously, I can go on for days...
Sunday, June 7, 2009
I'm So Serious. We're Moving.
I finish posting an entry about the quality neighborhood I live in, making sure to comment on the unsavory elements making their presence known. I go to bed thinking happy thoughts about idyllic sub-divisions full of Stepford wives and Ward Cleavers with neatly manicured lawns and gardens full of produce where everyone smiles and calls you by your first name.
I wake to find that some "person" got in my truck while I dreamt and stole every last one of my CDs. Every one.
Look, knock on the door and you can have the big screen, computer, and jewelry. Act mean enough, and I'll give you what's in my wallet, even check the couch cushions for loose change. Ask nicely and I'll help you load everything up.
But take my music?
You rat $#@@%^&*&^%%$$#**@! with tiny little $$#@^&***^!@#$##@ and ugly %$#@&^!!(*&) who can't ##@$%^^%$#@*&^ cause you're so $$$#%^&!!!@#$*&.
They left Rascal Flatts only because it was in the player. Didn't think to look there did you, you %%$#@!^^&^%$$$. Had they taken that, I'd be three kinds of Vigilante ninja right now. No one could escape my wrath.
As it stands, I'm consolable only with this one thought. My collection is so boring that I hope the hooligans fall asleep as they make their getaway and wrap their car around a tree.
Every last CD gentle readers. Every one.....
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Call the Realtor
That's it. We're moving. Period.
Late yesterday, the local police and two deputies from the Sheriff's department made a sudden and, I'm guessing, unannounced visit to the house behind us. They tramped around the yard, walked in and out of the house a few times, and then vaporized, leaving most of us wondering what exactly that was all about.
Today, at 10:00 am mind you, a "lady" comes stumbling up the alley beside our home. She was toast. Not sure if it was left over from Friday or a new one she tied on with her cereal. She could barely walk. She was trying to keep up with a "gentlemen" in what I'll call vintage vagabond couture trying his best to walk away from something as fast as he could. I lose site of the happy couple, but in a few minutes she comes stumbling back down the alley sans the bag man. A police car shows up just happens to pull up then. He rolls down his window and all I have to do is point. The officer doesn't have to go far. She was leaning on a shrub, gentle readers, as he rolled down the alley in his cruiser.
I live in a respectable part of town, but the street behind us is getting rough.
This includes my neighbor I share a fence with. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume the smell emanating from his place on a regular basis is burning rope. Like a lot of people, he makes rope as a hobby. Then routinely burns it...at night...when "dudes" come by his place. Totally legit I'm sure. Nothing to worry about.
We're moving
Friday, June 5, 2009
Polyester Presents
Little guy received some birthday money from his great grandpa. Yesterday, Papa Bob took him to Wal-Mart for his shopping spree.
Thoughtful young man that he is, our little guy decided to buy his mom and dad something for our 16th anniversary.
He purchased a lovely outfit, with matching top and bottom, for his mother, something in a stunning blue with multi-colored polka dots. Beautiful.
For me, well a pair of plaid shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, of course. Now, I love Hawaiian shirts. Love everything about them. However, this one may be a bit too much even for me. Bright yellow with orange designs on it, it does have a certain, shall we say, loudness to it. Yeah baby.
I give the little guy style points, that’s for sure. Nice of him think about his mom and dad. Just hope the little bugger, never, ever asks us to wear our new clothes out in public.
Thoughtful young man that he is, our little guy decided to buy his mom and dad something for our 16th anniversary.
He purchased a lovely outfit, with matching top and bottom, for his mother, something in a stunning blue with multi-colored polka dots. Beautiful.
For me, well a pair of plaid shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, of course. Now, I love Hawaiian shirts. Love everything about them. However, this one may be a bit too much even for me. Bright yellow with orange designs on it, it does have a certain, shall we say, loudness to it. Yeah baby.
I give the little guy style points, that’s for sure. Nice of him think about his mom and dad. Just hope the little bugger, never, ever asks us to wear our new clothes out in public.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Nose Blows
For some reason, I seem to get a pimple on the bridge of my nose every three months or so. There’s really no skin there, so I’m not sure how or why it wells up. It’s always impressive though.
This time it sort of resembles a volcano….
Like three days ago, though some sort of nasal plate tectonics, a major seismic event took place and the result was the formation of a Mini-Vesuvious on the island of Snozema. A team of vulcanologists from Cambridge flew in to study the rare occurrence.
Judging from the vertical height attained by the spires and the angry, oozing crater forming at the top, the experts have predicted a major eruption within the next 48 hours. Snozema villagers have been warned to evacuate south towards Chincinatti, or east and west towards Eary.
One local resident, Freckled Pore, from the Blackhead Forest region is refusing relocation. When asked why he would stay in the face of this eminent danger, Mr. Pore indicated that he’s survived three previous eruptions and lived to tell the tale.
“If you survive the great flood of white, viscous lava, you’ve got it made. Generally, it blows only once. Soon after, FEMA (Facial Emergency Management Assoc.) comes in with white, puffy cotton pillows and bubbly soap and scrubs the whole area clean. I could do without the astringent, however.”
This region was devastated back in January by the twin blasts from Pimple Petite and Pimple Gross, named after the famed French Vulcanologist Pierre Pimple, who lost his life after falling into one of the large impact craters created by the eruptions.
We only hope scientists can someday find a way to prevent these frequent eruptions before the region is left barren and scarred.
This time it sort of resembles a volcano….
Like three days ago, though some sort of nasal plate tectonics, a major seismic event took place and the result was the formation of a Mini-Vesuvious on the island of Snozema. A team of vulcanologists from Cambridge flew in to study the rare occurrence.
Judging from the vertical height attained by the spires and the angry, oozing crater forming at the top, the experts have predicted a major eruption within the next 48 hours. Snozema villagers have been warned to evacuate south towards Chincinatti, or east and west towards Eary.
One local resident, Freckled Pore, from the Blackhead Forest region is refusing relocation. When asked why he would stay in the face of this eminent danger, Mr. Pore indicated that he’s survived three previous eruptions and lived to tell the tale.
“If you survive the great flood of white, viscous lava, you’ve got it made. Generally, it blows only once. Soon after, FEMA (Facial Emergency Management Assoc.) comes in with white, puffy cotton pillows and bubbly soap and scrubs the whole area clean. I could do without the astringent, however.”
This region was devastated back in January by the twin blasts from Pimple Petite and Pimple Gross, named after the famed French Vulcanologist Pierre Pimple, who lost his life after falling into one of the large impact craters created by the eruptions.
We only hope scientists can someday find a way to prevent these frequent eruptions before the region is left barren and scarred.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wii Fit of Rage
So, the little guy got a Wii fit for his birthday.
All three of us signed on a got a character set up. As part of the process, it asks for your height, weight, and age. The game is so precious that it calculates your Body Mass Index (BMI) for you. After that it goes through a series of exercises to determine your Wii Fit Age. My Wii fit age, well let's just say I qualify for some discounts at quality restaurants all across the country apparently.
My BMI is higher than that of my bide and seven year old, to say the least. Yeah.
The great thing is that after it determines your BMI, it adjusts the size of your character for you automatically. So there's my little guy with a short skinny fella. My wife with a taller, but still skinny character. Then it comes to me. Right in front of everyone, my character balloons up like like a marshmallow in the microwave. Very nice.
I hate this game already...
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