Eye See What You're Doing

Ever call your optometrist to order contacts, only to be told you can't because you haven't been for a check up recently?

They will prattle on about the need to determine if your prescription has changed, but you know the real reasons. In short, they want you to come in to spend a bundle of cash before they will allow you to spend a little.

Can you tell me where else this logic is used and people are forced to go along with it?

Does the family doctor tell you that he can't treat your athlete's foot because you haven't had an MRI done of your entire body lately? Hey, before I check out your chronic halitosis, I'm going to be forced to subject you to a prostate exam, colonoscopy, and a series of blood tests to check for Bora-Bora and the clap. No.

Does the clerk at the grocery store tell you that you can't buy the T-Bone steak because, according to her records, you haven't bought a complete side of beef yet? You never know, your tastes may have changed over the last two years, you may be a rib-eye guy now, better check. No.

Does the gas station attendant tell you you can't have ten on pump two. Not until you purchase the contents of the 4,200 gallon tanker parked around back and a six-pack of Slim-Jims? No.

If you're going to hold up my contacts for ransom, at least have the decency to call it what it is.

Say to me, "Look it, you're gonna have to come in, we're going to shine a 7,000 candle power light in your eyes, after we dilate them to the size of a full moon, of course. After you stop howling in pain, we're going to ask you to read some letters projected on the wall while we purse our lips and look pensive. We're then going to ask you to look through a fancy gizmo while asking one or two, first or second, left or right, and so on. In the end, you're going to be right, your eyes will not have changed, but you're not insured for vision, so we've got you for the full $250, plus the $95 for the contacts. Alrighty then, we'll see you at 11:30."

Optometric piracy, plain and simple.