ITB

Spent last night with six old friends from college, fraternity brothers. A few I’d seen recently, others not in years.

Caught up on family, careers, and personal lives. There was a lot of “remember when” and “what ever happened to.”

Divorces, births, job changes, colonoscopies, vasectomies, receding hairlines, tight belts-it’s all good.

We thought about brothers that have passed away and tried to recall brothers that have fallen into obscurity.

Some yawns, looking at watches, and making the obligatory promises to do this again began much earlier than it would have had this been a party at the house 16 years ago.

Sixteen years, gentle readers. A good thing, I suppose. The statute of limitations applies to most things. So, we have that going for us.

We didn’t always get the stories right when we re-told them again and again last night. The years have dulled the faces and places. Mostly we just remembered that there was something special to remember, and that’s good enough.

Action Word

A friend of mine E-mailed today instructing me to "facebook" this person. You know, look them up on Facebook. Facebook is now a verb.

Being a verb would rock.

I'm tired of being just a noun. There's me, duck bill, Bill of Rights, bill of materials, way-bill, bill of lading, playbill, etc. Boring.....

I want to be a verb.

Legal: I Bill you in contempt of this court and order you to pay a $150 fine.

Apologetic: Look honey, I'm sorry. Of course your mother can Bill at our house for as long as she wants.

Leisure: Hey, let's all Bill over at Johnny's house then decide what we want to do.

Philosophical: I Bill, therefore I am.

Romance: I Bill you so much.

Law enforcement: So sir, I've never billed there before in my life. You know I'm on parole. Did a three year stretch for that Bill job down in Tulsa.

Military: It's nothing, a little something I Billed in Nam.

Medical: Doc, it hurts when I Bill.

Frat House: No more of that crap. I Billed for a solid two days after that.

Reciprocity: Look, you Bill me, I Bill you, everyone wins in the end.

Presidential: Bill my lips, no new taxes.

Surprise: Did you guys hear about Janet? Tom Billed her to marry her last night at dinner.

Seriously, I can go on for days...

I'm So Serious. We're Moving.

I finish posting an entry about the quality neighborhood I live in, making sure to comment on the unsavory elements making their presence known.  I go to bed thinking happy thoughts about idyllic sub-divisions full of Stepford wives and Ward Cleavers with neatly manicured lawns and gardens full of produce where everyone smiles and calls you by your first name.

I wake to find that some "person" got in my truck while I dreamt and stole every last one of my CDs.  Every one. 

Look, knock on the door and you can have the big screen, computer, and jewelry.  Act mean enough, and I'll give you what's in my wallet, even check the couch cushions for loose change. Ask nicely and I'll help you load everything up.

But take my music?  

You rat $#@@%^&*&^%%$$#**@! with tiny little $$#@^&***^!@#$##@ and ugly %$#@&^!!(*&) who can't ##@$%^^%$#@*&^ cause you're so $$$#%^&!!!@#$*&. 

They left Rascal Flatts only because it was in the player.  Didn't think to look there did you, you %%$#@!^^&^%$$$.  Had they taken that, I'd be three kinds of Vigilante ninja right now. No one could escape my wrath.  

As it stands, I'm consolable only with this one thought.  My collection is so boring that I hope the hooligans fall asleep as they make their getaway and wrap their car around a tree.

Every last CD gentle readers.  Every one.....

Call the Realtor

That's it.  We're moving.  Period.  

Late yesterday, the local police and two deputies from the Sheriff's department made a sudden and, I'm guessing, unannounced visit to the house behind us.  They tramped around the yard, walked in and out of the house a few times, and then vaporized, leaving most of us wondering what exactly that was all about.

Today, at 10:00 am mind you, a "lady" comes stumbling up the alley beside our home.  She was toast.   Not sure if it was left over from Friday or a new one she tied on with her cereal.  She could barely walk.  She was trying to keep up with a "gentlemen" in what I'll call vintage vagabond couture trying his best to walk away from something as fast as he could.  I lose site of the happy couple, but in a few minutes she comes stumbling back down the alley sans the bag man.  A police car shows up just happens to pull up then.  He rolls down his window and all I have to do is point. The officer doesn't have to go far.  She was leaning on a shrub, gentle readers, as he rolled down the alley in his cruiser.

I live in a respectable part of town, but the street behind us is getting rough.  

This includes my neighbor I share a fence with.  I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume the smell emanating from his place on a regular basis is burning rope.  Like a lot of people, he makes rope as a hobby.  Then routinely burns it...at night...when "dudes" come by his place.  Totally legit I'm sure.  Nothing to worry about.    

We're moving   

Polyester Presents

Little guy received some birthday money from his great grandpa. Yesterday, Papa Bob took him to Wal-Mart for his shopping spree.

Thoughtful young man that he is, our little guy decided to buy his mom and dad something for our 16th anniversary.

He purchased a lovely outfit, with matching top and bottom, for his mother, something in a stunning blue with multi-colored polka dots. Beautiful.

For me, well a pair of plaid shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, of course. Now, I love Hawaiian shirts. Love everything about them. However, this one may be a bit too much even for me. Bright yellow with orange designs on it, it does have a certain, shall we say, loudness to it. Yeah baby.

I give the little guy style points, that’s for sure. Nice of him think about his mom and dad. Just hope the little bugger, never, ever asks us to wear our new clothes out in public.

Nose Blows

For some reason, I seem to get a pimple on the bridge of my nose every three months or so. There’s really no skin there, so I’m not sure how or why it wells up. It’s always impressive though.

This time it sort of resembles a volcano….

Like three days ago, though some sort of nasal plate tectonics, a major seismic event took place and the result was the formation of a Mini-Vesuvious on the island of Snozema. A team of vulcanologists from Cambridge flew in to study the rare occurrence.

Judging from the vertical height attained by the spires and the angry, oozing crater forming at the top, the experts have predicted a major eruption within the next 48 hours. Snozema villagers have been warned to evacuate south towards Chincinatti, or east and west towards Eary.

One local resident, Freckled Pore, from the Blackhead Forest region is refusing relocation. When asked why he would stay in the face of this eminent danger, Mr. Pore indicated that he’s survived three previous eruptions and lived to tell the tale.

“If you survive the great flood of white, viscous lava, you’ve got it made. Generally, it blows only once. Soon after, FEMA (Facial Emergency Management Assoc.) comes in with white, puffy cotton pillows and bubbly soap and scrubs the whole area clean. I could do without the astringent, however.”

This region was devastated back in January by the twin blasts from Pimple Petite and Pimple Gross, named after the famed French Vulcanologist Pierre Pimple, who lost his life after falling into one of the large impact craters created by the eruptions.

We only hope scientists can someday find a way to prevent these frequent eruptions before the region is left barren and scarred.

Wii Fit of Rage

So, the little guy got a Wii fit for his birthday.  

All three of us signed on a got a character set up. As part of the process, it asks for your height, weight, and age.  The game is so precious that it calculates your Body Mass Index (BMI) for you. After that it goes through a series of exercises to determine your Wii Fit Age.  My Wii fit age, well let's just say I qualify for some discounts at quality restaurants all across the country apparently.

My BMI is higher than that of my bide and seven year old, to say the least.  Yeah. 

The great thing is that after it determines your BMI, it adjusts the size of your character for you automatically.  So there's my little guy with a short skinny fella.  My wife with a taller, but still skinny character.  Then it comes to me.  Right in front of everyone, my character balloons up like like a marshmallow in the microwave.  Very nice. 

I hate this game already...